I REMEMBER HAVING TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN JUST TO GO:
I WILL NEVER BE OKAY WITH THIS LINE NOT BEING IN THE MOVIES.
Reblog if you post:
- Harry Potter
- Doctor who
and I’ll queue from you/possibly follow you (I’m down to following only like 50 people)
"I Swear I Didn’t Seriously Ship It At First, It Just Sort of Happened" a novel by me
So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.
OMG ITS BACK
This shit needs to be published.
This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
I have literally reblogged this so many times like
Their reactions tho
and i’d choose you.
zachary quinto is great because theres two sides of him.
the man who is known as best dressed look
then you have the wats going on look.
suave well-dressed motherf
Holy mother of…
can i have four chicken nuggets
Hello I’m here to ruin your life
Oh wait I’m always perfect
ok but seriously, if anyone argues that Frozen has the best ice in animation, all you’d have to do is show them this jfc
this is from Dreamworks’ ”Rise of the Guardians.”
Your move, Disney.
OMG I THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL
Welcome to The Doctor and Rose Shippers Club
Always reblog the sideway-step-shuffle-dance.
nice visual of the footwork
I forgot he did that on the red carpet. He’s an actual, certifiable dork. Bless.
The boy just can’t keep still
Bonus: close up of the face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
The guy in the sleeping bag wiggling around
The two people in the front wearing one shirt.
Are we really not going to talk about the guy in the back who is attached to another guy’s back while spinning?
I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT ONE.
WHAT ABOUT THE GUY THAT FALLS OUT OF THE WINDOW
BUT look at his face
so proud of his new shield and then peggy shoots him
Just like flying.